Relapse

I hurt myself again tonight

blinded, the lights are too bright

I tattoo the pain onto my skin

wondering what phase my moon is in

but this place I can’t escape from

somehow still feels like home

I see the dark clouds slowly creeping

vision turns grey and body’s aching

mouth goes dry and I forget breathing

legs feel weak and my heart stops beating

I feel the world around me shrink

my soul is leaving, it’s at the brink

I close my eyes and stay still

before this ends, I know I will

when I was locked in my room alone

I wanted to just end it all.

I don’t know why I keep going on

when it’s easier to just fall

there’s nothing to be blamed

and I know I can’t be saved

I’m not running anymore, it’s not a race

maybe it is, but I’ve given up anyways

I know this is not where I belong

so things will get better once I’m gone.